Men and Women...Listen up!...You don't have to fix your lovers problems!

Your lover is a mix of thoughts and emotions that rarely make sense to you. Well there is some good news for your relationship. You don't have to fix your lovers sadness, hurt, anger, frustrations, disappointments or any other problem they have - unless they ask you to fix it! All too often, we can't stand to know that our lover is anything less than happy and we want to take their pain away. If we are the source of their pain, we take it personal, get reactive and cause more damage.

So what can you do to help your lover if it's not your job to fix the struggle?

1. Just listen - they really just need someone to listen to their pain and heartache

2. Validate - let them know they are not alone and that it must be difficult to feel and/or think the way they do right now

3. DO NOT GET UPSET WITH THEM FOR THEIR THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS!

4. Ask questions - They are most likely talking to you because they are stuck in their thought process and don't know what to do about how they feel or think right now. Ask questions that help get their thought process going and encourages them to figure out how to solve the problem on their own.

5. Don't offer solutions unless they ask for solutions

6. If you feel the need to offer solutions, ask permission. If they say no, respect they want to figure it out on their own.

7. If you are the cause of your lovers heartache - do not get upset with them or take it personal. They are human. You are human. Humans affect each other. Work through it together through a respectful means by applying the skills above.

8. Offer them hope that they will get through their current struggles and let them know that you will be at their side to support them until they figure it out.

#relationships #relationshipconflict